11.19.2014

seasons.

I suppose if I wait long enough, there will be something burning in my head so much so that I just have to write it down. So, here goes.

With Jenna's first birthday just a few weeks away, I find myself drifting back to one year ago so many times throughout my day, especially when there are moments in time, that each season, get repeated.

Right now, for instance, as we approach Manhattan Beach's official holiday season kickoff tonight, I go back three years when I was in the very first week of my pregnancy with Mari and so sick to my stomach that I can almost taste it. And, on the flip side, to one year ago when I was blissfully near the end of Jenna's pregnancy that I could see the finish line in the distance, even though just walking the streets of MB was enough to tire me out for the rest of the week.

And, so, with these seasons that come and go, my hope is that I can always remember, feel and taste moments past, the good ones and the challenging ones; that there was once a Thanksgiving when I dropped an entire sheet pan of warm and gooey brownies into my sister-in-law's oven because I was so jittery and newly pregnant; that nursing my new baby with the glow of twinkle lights from the Christmas tree is so magical that it defines miracle; and seeing my Mari's mind, for the first time, start to process these little people and why we really celebrate Christmas.

These memories also provide such perspective; there are some seasons where things just don't get done, and you do what you can, and I'm not just talking about the holidays.

In the last few months, I've admittedly struggled to get to this white space and write. Reminding myself that that's okay has been something I've done only with the help of my family; they've taught me best to do my best at what I want and can do, and that's enough.
Even if I still think that I'm going to make dozens and dozens of sugar cookies, because this is the year that I'm making cookies to enjoy all season long. And that is something that every year, must repeat.

One of my favorite (and only!) photos of just the girls, from our family trip to Lake Tahoe, back in September.

2 comments:

mary said...

made my heart so happy to find this post -- we're kindred spirits my friend! & that photo makes me even more excited to be holding two little girls oh so soon! (said the lady 4 days past her due date with her SECOND baby ;) xoxox

Karen said...

I've missed you and your updates but completely knew why the wait was necessary...keeping balance is of prime importance, my friend.
xo,
Karen