a little secret.

It might be obvious from my sporadic and very infrequent posting in the last several weeks, but I'm happy to tell you that this sweet girl - with sleepy eyes and a nose full of a cold - is going to be a big sister.
I have had major blogger's block withholding this information. Everyone says you should wait to share the news until you get through the first trimester, which is for such good reason. I'm nearly there, at 11 weeks exactly today, and I just couldn't wait any longer.

We are thrilled, of course. And so very grateful. But also a bit shocked with facing the realities that come with another baby. Last week, I told my best girlfriends that for the past two years, it feels like we've been playing a fun game of house with Mari that has now taken a very real turn and we actually have to grow up. Yikes.

This second time around is so different from the first, but a carbon copy when it comes to my symptoms. I've been struggling with that mild nausea that permeates my every move, every second of every hour of the day. Some days are better than others, and I'm so thankful for I know how much worse it can be.

I've also been struggling with general motivation to do anything. I have been cooking, but just barely. Kraft mac-and-cheese from the box is back in our lives again. As is an endless supply of take-out boxes in the frig.

I've been struggling with my feelings about loving another child like I love Mari. I wonder how my heart will ever grow bigger than it is. I just can't fathom it.

I've been struggling with real life issues, having serious discussions about space, time, money and all the things that are impacted by those three. Which seems to be nearly all of life.

I've been struggling with how I look. If you saw me, you'd guess I was four months. I started showing so much earlier than I did the first time around. My body has totally taken over and I'm ashamed, in vain.

But, in the last several weeks, I've been reminded by some really sweet friends, moms and those expecting, that I need to let it all go. Remember what it's like to grow a human being. And while I snack on things like salty carbs slathered with peanut butter, to embrace it.

I feel so much better now that you know. Thanks for being here and for listening. More goodness to come!


Kate B said...

Congratulations, Alison! That's such an exciting announcement!

I'm not a mom, but I'm really curious about pregnancy and learning about how new moms acclimate to their little ones (I've got kids on the brain, but still a little afraid to totally leap). Please share as much as you're comfortable with!

I hope your symptoms subside soon! I tend to be totally laid out when I'm nauseous (when I get a cold, that tends to be my most debilitating thing), so I can kind of feel your struggle in my own way. I hope you didn't suffer through it the whole first pregnancy and that your body will give you a break soon!

Jessica said...

Congrats! Congrats! And I'm sure that you feel relieved now that the news is out! I appreciate your honesty and frankness about pregnancy. While I don't have any plan to get pregnant now, I always keep this information in my mind. I feel like I can't give you advise as I've never been there before, but I am always here for a friendly ear. Cheers to the upcoming second trimester! xo

mary said...

yay! yay! yay!!! you are such an amazing mama -- thanks for writing such an authentic post -- cheering you on! xoxo

Erin said...

YAY! Congrats Alice, Eddie and big sis Mari! XOXO, Sharon

Becca said...

Aww, such happy news! And I know every mom will tell you this, but... don't worry about loving your second one as much as you love your first. I couldn't have imagined it, but I am head over heels in love with my chubby new baby boy and I still love my beautiful Lena just as much. Your heart just grows!


Karen said...

Congratulations! You are a wonderful mother of one, and I have no doubt you will be an amazing mother of 2! I'm so happy for you all.

Casa de Hermann said...

What special news - congratulations!

Anonymous said...

Alison - Congratulations. You remain oblivious to what we see when looking at you....beauty, brains, wit, and most importantly, love. You are an inspiration.