It might be obvious from my sporadic and very infrequent posting in the last several weeks, but I'm happy to tell you that this sweet girl - with sleepy eyes and a nose full of a cold - is going to be a big sister.
We are thrilled, of course. And so very grateful. But also a bit shocked with facing the realities that come with another baby. Last week, I told my best girlfriends that for the past two years, it feels like we've been playing a fun game of house with Mari that has now taken a very real turn and we actually have to grow up. Yikes.
This second time around is so different from the first, but a carbon copy when it comes to my symptoms. I've been struggling with that mild nausea that permeates my every move, every second of every hour of the day. Some days are better than others, and I'm so thankful for I know how much worse it can be.
I've also been struggling with general motivation to do anything. I have been cooking, but just barely. Kraft mac-and-cheese from the box is back in our lives again. As is an endless supply of take-out boxes in the frig.
I've been struggling with my feelings about loving another child like I love Mari. I wonder how my heart will ever grow bigger than it is. I just can't fathom it.
I've been struggling with real life issues, having serious discussions about space, time, money and all the things that are impacted by those three. Which seems to be nearly all of life.
I've been struggling with how I look. If you saw me, you'd guess I was four months. I started showing so much earlier than I did the first time around. My body has totally taken over and I'm ashamed, in vain.
But, in the last several weeks, I've been reminded by some really sweet friends, moms and those expecting, that I need to let it all go. Remember what it's like to grow a human being. And while I snack on things like salty carbs slathered with peanut butter, to embrace it.
I feel so much better now that you know. Thanks for being here and for listening. More goodness to come!