It's me, reporting from cloud nine, as we welcome my newest nephew to the family, Carson David. My brother's wife Whitney gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy in the wee morning hours yesterday, and he's just perfect. And as I salivate over all the details of this little boy, the new-ness of life and these precious first few hours, I'm reminded of the miracle that is Mari, the joy she has brought us (I mean - look at those toes!) and what a gift being a mother really is.
In a few weeks, I return to my day job - my life before motherhood - and just the thought of it, or even a quick glance at my baby girl, has me a little twisted inside to leave behind this special time and move on without her by my side. As with most transitions, I don't have the easiest time when they surface, and this one feels like it's going to be the toughest yet.

Being a mother has completely enveloped me in a way that I did not expect. I love it as much as it makes me crazy, and finding the balance of who I am as a mom, and who I am - isn't easy for me. The two are now one, and I need some gentle reminders here and there that it's okay to let go and just be. Maybe finding myself in work is going to help me balance being a better parent. That's at least what I'm going to tell myself.

I can do this.

So, for the next few weeks, I'm going to love every second of Mari and me time. I'll write to her in a journal I started just after her birth. I'll take lots of pictures. Sneak in a little yoga. Breathe. Re-read The Guest House. Find some business-like clothes that fit (yikes). And be grateful. For her and for sweet Carson, who will forever be her big brother in life.

Congratulations, dear brother and sis. I'm so happy for you it hurts, in the best-est way you can ever imagine. We are so blessed!


Karen said...

Dear Alison,

Transitions...and this is just the first of many with Mari. You can do this and be the excellent mom you are now.

Congratulations to Whitney and Jeff. I'm so happy for your family.


mary said...

love this post and know you're going to be amazing at striking this balance! excited to be on this journey with you!